Life is weird.
It really is.
It's full of surprises.
Like, really.
Today was interesting.
I keep thinking more and more about school coming up.
It's horrible thinking about this stuff.
But yesh,
it's coming.
Pray for all us schoolgoers.
Today's topic is how EVERYTHING LIVING GLORIFIES GOD.
No joke.
Every noise or movement out of every organism is all just singing praises to God.
Because, think about it,
everywhere we step is holy ground.
Because Jesus is in us.
Am I right?
Of course I am.
Need my help, message me on Myspace.
Love you guys.
There, I said it.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Monday, August 4, 2008
Something's Got to Change
So God has started something in me this summer.
I'm a different person at the end of the summer than I was in the beginning of the summer.
I owe a lot of that to Matty for knocking some sense into me,
but more important I owe it to Jesus Christ Himself.
He's really laid some stuff on my heart.
He really has.
I learned a lot through youth group stuff, on my own, through Ichthus, through the For Love or Money Tour concert, Moment of Truth, music, and through spiritual experiences that I've had this summer.
And while I feel like something is still empty inside me,
I know that now it's time for me to use what is overflowing out of my heart.
It's crazy, I know.
But now it's my time to go out there.
And Matt was right,
God has perfect timing.
God used the summer to build me up,
and it's obvious that He wants me to use my built up life to start a movement in my school.
Of course, I'm gonna be a world changer, but I have to start somewhere.
And that might as well be Salem High School.
It's weird, though, that God picked such a time as this.
School is starting soon, which means I'm trying to prepare myself mentally and emotionally for the stress and pressure that comes along with it.
I don't take school easily. It kills me. And I'm not being overdramatic. It really does. I get so stressed that some of the time I don't even know where I'm heading.
Again, pills can only do so much.
But what I was saying is that it's weird how God picked a time such as this to tell me to go. I'm anxious and I'm shaken, but yet God still tells me to do what he's put in my heart. I'm unsteady, but God says that it's okay, it's okay.
A song that I have fallen in love with is what finally told me that it's time. God picked a certain song, made me somehow run into it on iTunes, to tell me that it's time to do what I have to do. Here are the lyrics of the song. Maybe you'll see what I mean:
---------------------------------------------
Something's Got to Change by Josh Wilson
"I'm thirsty, God, I'm thirsty.
From drinking what destroys me.
I'm pouring poison in my cup.
I'm hungry, God, I'm hungry.
Consuming what controls me.
Somehow it never fills me up.
We all want to find something to pass the time
but that could never be enough.
Everybody says we're all so different.
But everybody knows we're all the same.
We're all trying to find a pill to numb the pain.
Something's got to change.
Do you remember when you
had so much hope within you
It lingers deep inside you still.
The more of us we swallow
The more we become hollow
Until we don't know how to feel.
We all want to find something to satisfy
But we could never be enough
When everything we say and take
just leads to war and hate
We only pass the blame,
sedate the pain,
and move along.
But something feels so wrong
so deep inside
so hard to hide
So desperately we try and try
and come to find that we're not what we've been looking for.
I can't believe I'm hearing people say that all is well
I think it's time we all admit we have no good within ourselves
'Cause we are not okay
we're not alright
and we need to pray for help
Forgive us for our pride,
Oh God, oh God,
please save us from ourselves."
----------------------------------------------------------
There you go. It ate me up inside when I first heard it.
Now I've got a passion to write a song just like it.
But that's not what's important right now.
Right now, through THAT song,
God told me it's time for me to start.
I've got the tools.
I'm broken up inside, just like everybody else.
I've got no support from parents, nothing but pressure pressure pressure, and anxiety to hold me back.
But by the Grace of God,
I WILL NOT BE HELD BACK.
And I'm gonna stand on a mountain
and tear my heart out of my chest
and throw it to the world
and scream at the top of my lungs
Here, here's some love.
Jesus told me to give it to you.
Now follow Him and be fishers of men.
And I'll see you someday in Heaven.
Man.
I can't wait.
There, I said it.
I'm a different person at the end of the summer than I was in the beginning of the summer.
I owe a lot of that to Matty for knocking some sense into me,
but more important I owe it to Jesus Christ Himself.
He's really laid some stuff on my heart.
He really has.
I learned a lot through youth group stuff, on my own, through Ichthus, through the For Love or Money Tour concert, Moment of Truth, music, and through spiritual experiences that I've had this summer.
And while I feel like something is still empty inside me,
I know that now it's time for me to use what is overflowing out of my heart.
It's crazy, I know.
But now it's my time to go out there.
And Matt was right,
God has perfect timing.
God used the summer to build me up,
and it's obvious that He wants me to use my built up life to start a movement in my school.
Of course, I'm gonna be a world changer, but I have to start somewhere.
And that might as well be Salem High School.
It's weird, though, that God picked such a time as this.
School is starting soon, which means I'm trying to prepare myself mentally and emotionally for the stress and pressure that comes along with it.
I don't take school easily. It kills me. And I'm not being overdramatic. It really does. I get so stressed that some of the time I don't even know where I'm heading.
Again, pills can only do so much.
But what I was saying is that it's weird how God picked a time such as this to tell me to go. I'm anxious and I'm shaken, but yet God still tells me to do what he's put in my heart. I'm unsteady, but God says that it's okay, it's okay.
A song that I have fallen in love with is what finally told me that it's time. God picked a certain song, made me somehow run into it on iTunes, to tell me that it's time to do what I have to do. Here are the lyrics of the song. Maybe you'll see what I mean:
---------------------------------------------
Something's Got to Change by Josh Wilson
"I'm thirsty, God, I'm thirsty.
From drinking what destroys me.
I'm pouring poison in my cup.
I'm hungry, God, I'm hungry.
Consuming what controls me.
Somehow it never fills me up.
We all want to find something to pass the time
but that could never be enough.
Everybody says we're all so different.
But everybody knows we're all the same.
We're all trying to find a pill to numb the pain.
Something's got to change.
Do you remember when you
had so much hope within you
It lingers deep inside you still.
The more of us we swallow
The more we become hollow
Until we don't know how to feel.
We all want to find something to satisfy
But we could never be enough
When everything we say and take
just leads to war and hate
We only pass the blame,
sedate the pain,
and move along.
But something feels so wrong
so deep inside
so hard to hide
So desperately we try and try
and come to find that we're not what we've been looking for.
I can't believe I'm hearing people say that all is well
I think it's time we all admit we have no good within ourselves
'Cause we are not okay
we're not alright
and we need to pray for help
Forgive us for our pride,
Oh God, oh God,
please save us from ourselves."
----------------------------------------------------------
There you go. It ate me up inside when I first heard it.
Now I've got a passion to write a song just like it.
But that's not what's important right now.
Right now, through THAT song,
God told me it's time for me to start.
I've got the tools.
I'm broken up inside, just like everybody else.
I've got no support from parents, nothing but pressure pressure pressure, and anxiety to hold me back.
But by the Grace of God,
I WILL NOT BE HELD BACK.
And I'm gonna stand on a mountain
and tear my heart out of my chest
and throw it to the world
and scream at the top of my lungs
Here, here's some love.
Jesus told me to give it to you.
Now follow Him and be fishers of men.
And I'll see you someday in Heaven.
Man.
I can't wait.
There, I said it.
Starting Up
So I decided to take up blogging again.
It's been a long time.
But I figured it might help me on my way. And maybe some other people.
Wanting this blog mostly to be about faith, life, and what's on my heart.
But we'll just have to see.
I just spent the last half-hour reading through and deleting all my old blog posts. All the ones from previous years and such.
I'm still amazed.
You don't realize how much things change from the past.
It's like my mind has transformed.
Things are different. Priorities are different. Friends are different. I was completely unaware how different I am from a year ago.
Before I deleted everything, though, I saved a few things from previous blog posts that caught my eye and I thought needed to be saved and shared.
This little post was posted in March of 2007:
"I'm preaching to those that DO NOT CARE.
I'm teaching to an empty room.
Am I just invisioning, or is this meant to be?
But why must You chose ME?!"
Unsure of why I was thinking that.
Obviously at the time God was overwhelming me with His plans.
I just can't remember.
This post was posted in May of 2007:
"The reason I wanna die: I hate this stupid world and how it is nothing but evil, evil, evil.
The reason I'm still alive: Because I'm gonna change it no matter what."
Wow. Really.
I guess I haven't changed THAT much...
This post was also posted in May of 2007:
"I'll never really know what is going on.
Someone hypnotize me,
let me forget my past,
so I can stop having nightmares
and stop remembering New Years Night,
the results of the Wizard of Oz,
and my broken relationships with adult friends and parents.
Someone let me heal, PLEASE.
I gotta just move on.
But I don't know how.
I'm on autopilot.
Living in the past.
And not letting myself create new memories to live by.
What's it gonna take? "
Reading this made me so sad.
I'm not sure when these two posts were posted:
"However, let me introduce you to what we really achieve out of these expectations. Pick any neighborhood in the United States. Find the house that looks the most like the American Dream, with the mother who bakes the apple pie and the children that play in the backyard. Mom is actually on a daily dose of Zoloft just to help her cope with the known fact of her current husband's affair. Her 6 year old son is already following Mom's steps and is on Ritalin. The 10 year old daughter cries herself to sleep every night because she is picked on at school by bullies. We go to find out that these bullies live with their grandparents because of abusive parents. The cop who arrested the abusive parents just got a divorce from his fourth marriage. The cop's daughter, the beautiful high school cheerleader, vomits after every meal because she thinks she's fat."
That was also overwhelmingly sad.
"If only we could be like my cat. This morning I had a bowl of cereal (and it was delicious, might I add) and my cat immediately smelled the milk I had in the bowl. My cat loves milk very very much, but it makes her very very sick. She followed me around everywhere I went with my bowl of cereal, wanting my milk soo badly. I put a drop of milk on my finger, barely enough for her to even taste, and let her lick the milk off of my finger. After one taste, she pranced away excitedly because she got to taste her favorite thing in the world.
But if the cat were the entire world, she would just bother me more and more about the milk until she drank so much of it that she got sick.
How sad our world is."
True.
Okay, moving on from the past.
Let's talk about the now.
Within the course of the week, I have felt like a complete waste of flesh and air.
Really.
I've felt neglected, left out, unwanted, unneeded, and like I've made NO difference on ANYBODY.
Eh, that's fair week for me, I guess.
I cried earlier. When I was laying in bed.
Mainly because I realized something.
God is the only one who REALLY loves me.
No, not like that.
I mean, REALLY loves me. With all His heart.
I might have a friend that loves me. But this friend would never sacrifice her son for me so that I could never die.
I might have a future husband that would do anything for me. But he would never forgive every one of my mistakes and pretend like I'm perfect in his eyes.
See what I mean?
I mean, lately I HAVE felt a little unloved. (Just because I really feel like no one really gives a crap.) But that's beside the point. What I mean to say is:
God doesn't favor one person over anyone else.
He doesn't have favorites.
He doesn't stereotype.
He doesn't ignore or neglect.
He doesn't care how much weight we've gained.
He doesn't care what we look like.
He just doesn't care.
He gave us the best friend we could ever need. Which is Jesus.
Anyways.
I wanted to start up again because I really wanted people to start reaching out to me, because I'm here to listen. I pray to God to send the broken, lost, and lonely to me so that I could tell them about Jesus. Maybe this is one way I'm supposed to do it.
Basically, if you need my help, about ANYTHING,
Talk to me.
Alright. I'm out for tonight. I really wanna pull an all-nighter, but I know if I try that I'll still end up falling asleep.
So I guess I'm just gonna go lay down.
School starts soon.
Say your prayers.
And um...
yeah.
God bless.
There, I said it.
It's been a long time.
But I figured it might help me on my way. And maybe some other people.
Wanting this blog mostly to be about faith, life, and what's on my heart.
But we'll just have to see.
I just spent the last half-hour reading through and deleting all my old blog posts. All the ones from previous years and such.
I'm still amazed.
You don't realize how much things change from the past.
It's like my mind has transformed.
Things are different. Priorities are different. Friends are different. I was completely unaware how different I am from a year ago.
Before I deleted everything, though, I saved a few things from previous blog posts that caught my eye and I thought needed to be saved and shared.
This little post was posted in March of 2007:
"I'm preaching to those that DO NOT CARE.
I'm teaching to an empty room.
Am I just invisioning, or is this meant to be?
But why must You chose ME?!"
Unsure of why I was thinking that.
Obviously at the time God was overwhelming me with His plans.
I just can't remember.
This post was posted in May of 2007:
"The reason I wanna die: I hate this stupid world and how it is nothing but evil, evil, evil.
The reason I'm still alive: Because I'm gonna change it no matter what."
Wow. Really.
I guess I haven't changed THAT much...
This post was also posted in May of 2007:
"I'll never really know what is going on.
Someone hypnotize me,
let me forget my past,
so I can stop having nightmares
and stop remembering New Years Night,
the results of the Wizard of Oz,
and my broken relationships with adult friends and parents.
Someone let me heal, PLEASE.
I gotta just move on.
But I don't know how.
I'm on autopilot.
Living in the past.
And not letting myself create new memories to live by.
What's it gonna take? "
Reading this made me so sad.
I'm not sure when these two posts were posted:
"However, let me introduce you to what we really achieve out of these expectations. Pick any neighborhood in the United States. Find the house that looks the most like the American Dream, with the mother who bakes the apple pie and the children that play in the backyard. Mom is actually on a daily dose of Zoloft just to help her cope with the known fact of her current husband's affair. Her 6 year old son is already following Mom's steps and is on Ritalin. The 10 year old daughter cries herself to sleep every night because she is picked on at school by bullies. We go to find out that these bullies live with their grandparents because of abusive parents. The cop who arrested the abusive parents just got a divorce from his fourth marriage. The cop's daughter, the beautiful high school cheerleader, vomits after every meal because she thinks she's fat."
That was also overwhelmingly sad.
"If only we could be like my cat. This morning I had a bowl of cereal (and it was delicious, might I add) and my cat immediately smelled the milk I had in the bowl. My cat loves milk very very much, but it makes her very very sick. She followed me around everywhere I went with my bowl of cereal, wanting my milk soo badly. I put a drop of milk on my finger, barely enough for her to even taste, and let her lick the milk off of my finger. After one taste, she pranced away excitedly because she got to taste her favorite thing in the world.
But if the cat were the entire world, she would just bother me more and more about the milk until she drank so much of it that she got sick.
How sad our world is."
True.
Okay, moving on from the past.
Let's talk about the now.
Within the course of the week, I have felt like a complete waste of flesh and air.
Really.
I've felt neglected, left out, unwanted, unneeded, and like I've made NO difference on ANYBODY.
Eh, that's fair week for me, I guess.
I cried earlier. When I was laying in bed.
Mainly because I realized something.
God is the only one who REALLY loves me.
No, not like that.
I mean, REALLY loves me. With all His heart.
I might have a friend that loves me. But this friend would never sacrifice her son for me so that I could never die.
I might have a future husband that would do anything for me. But he would never forgive every one of my mistakes and pretend like I'm perfect in his eyes.
See what I mean?
I mean, lately I HAVE felt a little unloved. (Just because I really feel like no one really gives a crap.) But that's beside the point. What I mean to say is:
God doesn't favor one person over anyone else.
He doesn't have favorites.
He doesn't stereotype.
He doesn't ignore or neglect.
He doesn't care how much weight we've gained.
He doesn't care what we look like.
He just doesn't care.
He gave us the best friend we could ever need. Which is Jesus.
Anyways.
I wanted to start up again because I really wanted people to start reaching out to me, because I'm here to listen. I pray to God to send the broken, lost, and lonely to me so that I could tell them about Jesus. Maybe this is one way I'm supposed to do it.
Basically, if you need my help, about ANYTHING,
Talk to me.
Alright. I'm out for tonight. I really wanna pull an all-nighter, but I know if I try that I'll still end up falling asleep.
So I guess I'm just gonna go lay down.
School starts soon.
Say your prayers.
And um...
yeah.
God bless.
There, I said it.
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